I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
