You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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