My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
