dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
