I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
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I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
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I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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