i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
