before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
