i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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