There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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