Who did Billy Mays play for?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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