i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
