evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...