you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
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I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...