mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
