she woke up with a sticky ear
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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