My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
