im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
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There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
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Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
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