don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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