he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
