it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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