your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
