You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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