She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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