if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
