My hand turned me down
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize