did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
