Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
