hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
