a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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