I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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