Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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