why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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