he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
