I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize