I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
