im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I faked an abortion last night.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
