I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Randomize
