What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
