i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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