You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
