At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
