i permit you to call me
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
