so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
