Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
