Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
