I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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