I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
im holly from the hills drunk
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
