She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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