Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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