I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
