im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Bring me that man meat
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
