She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
There's always time for handjobs
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
