last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
