took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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