someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
