her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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