also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
