god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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