Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
