She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Come on in and take your pants off
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