Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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