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• (407): View more from Florida

  I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.

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• (208): View more from Idaho

  I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.

  Fav 13 4722 1243

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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.

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  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

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• (207): View more from Maine

  I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling

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• (904): View more from Florida

  Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again

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• (727): View more from Florida

  just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday

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• (626): View more from California

  I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.

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• (719): View more from Colorado

  If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.

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  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (509): View more from Washington

  We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.

  (1-509): View more from Washington

  You had me at shuffleboard and strippers

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• (910): View more from North Carolina

  I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.

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• (714): View more from California

  I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.

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• (858): View more from California

  I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!

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• (518): View more from New York

  MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.

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