oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.