I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
These 21 FaceApped Celebrities Will Make You LOL
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.