masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
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Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
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Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!