are you wasted or are you getting laid?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex