The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
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Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
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I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?