You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
