I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize