I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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