I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
