i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
