We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
