I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
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When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
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Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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