I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
