p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
