I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
