you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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