Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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