They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
