if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
