Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
