This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
