that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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