you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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