Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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