this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
