i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
